@3 hours ago with 199 notes
#obviously where you all are 


Just took a quiz that told me I was a dachshund in a past life and was reminded of the fact that multiple people in my life have thought it was pronounced “dash-hund”

The correct pronunciation is “wiener dog”

@4 hours ago with 7 notes

I got my eyes dilated at the eye doctor for the first time today, which is something my dad always bitches about, but it really isn’t that bad?  It’s actually kind of my fascinating me - I get photosensitive migraines, and the sensation of having my eyes dilated is EXACTLY like how I feel pre-migraine, minus the throbbing pain behind my right eye.  It’s so strange to feel like this without a headache!  This isn’t that bad, although it is hard to focus on things and I almost Hulk-ed out at Duane Reade because I was having such a hard time reading the one million slightly different options on the shelf. 

I did have to pick out my new glasses while my eyes were dilating without contacts so… we’ll see how bad they are when I get them.  Obama paid for the lenses and the majority of the frames but was too cheap to pick up the anti-glare coating, the bastard.

@1 day ago
#just kidding Obama I love having my glasses and eye exam and pupil dilation paid for tby the government 

galesofnovember said: Okay, but remember how mustache dad has to tell Jacob, "son, put your pants back on"? because that is a great underrated Twilight moment of excellence.

"Son, put your pants back on" is for sure one of the top ten lines in Twilight, anyone who says anything is sadly mistaken

Not that it takes much to be one of the top ten lines in Twilight, I’m pretty sure 90% of the dialogue is “ummmmm”, “hmmmmm”, [very bored staring]

@1 day ago with 1 note

Guys send me more Twilight anons, I love them

Do you want to argue over which is the best Breaking Dawn? Because the answer is, a supercut of Jacob falling in love with the babby followed by Michael Sheen’s laugh

That’s it, that’s the best Twilight movie

@1 day ago with 1 note
#and maybe the part where the wolves are talking #and Edward chews the babby out of Bella's diamond uterus with his teeth #BEST MOVIES EVER 

officiousseeing-eyebitch said: black, white, green, glitter

Black: 1 fact about the person I like

  1. They’re a summer goth.  It’s me, I’m the person I like.

White: 3 facts about my personality

  1. I’m really funny and people who don’t think so are objectively wrong.
  2. The only method of flirtation I know is teasing, which doesn’t always go over well (although guys get a +10 if they call me out on negging them)
  3. I spend a REALLY big portion of the day daydreaming and sometimes I get so lost that I really genuinely don’t remember what I was thinking about when someone asks me.  Sometimes I’m just thinking about Ryan Lochte.  Either way, if I say “nothing” it’s rude to keep asking me what I’m thinking.

Green: 8 facts about my body

  1. My hair is currently a couple of inches past my shoulders, which is the longest it’s been in about eight years, and it feels SO WEIRD.
  2. I have really thick eyebrows and I LOVE them and I refuse to get them done because I’m scared of getting the pared down too much.  My eyebrows are thick enough that I literally had no concept that people penciled/powdered them in until this year.
  3. I only became buoyant enough to float after going through puberty.
  4. I had braces in middle school and when I lived in England all my friends would get drunk and make fun of my “big American teeth”. 
  5. I got my first white hair at eighteen and they’ve been coming in in roughly the same place, I hope in about five-ten years I’ll have a pretty sweet Rogue-style streak
  6. The only piercings I have are two in each earlobe because I was in middle school in the 90s and that seemed like a good idea.  My second set are REALLY lopsided and the piercer actually said “oops” after he did the second one.
  7. I don’t have any tattoos and if I got one I might actually kill my grandma (I’m her favorite).
  8. I’m all T and no A

Glitter: 11 facts about Twilight

  1. My absolute favorite character is Mustache Dad. 
  2. If I were going to write Twilight fanfic, it would be about Mustache Dad killing Edward, getting a taste for vampire slaying, and then going cross country with Bella in her truck teaching her the art of vampire slaying.
  3. I love explaining the plot (and I use that term loosely) of the end of the series.  “So, Edward chews the baby out of her diamond hard embryonic sac, then Jacob comes in to kill the baby, then he falls in love with the baby, then the baby is seven years old for some reason, then everyone is cool with Jacob being alone with the baby even though she’s only a couple weeks old but looks and acts like she’s seven years old, then the Catholic vampires try and kill them, then nothing happens.”
  4. I have probably spent more time reading things making fun of Twilight than people who like Twilight have spent reading the books.
  5. There’s a really good theory that the books are basically Mormon parables and that Edward is Joseph Smith and the evil Italian vampires are the Catholic church.  So not only are they Mary Sue fanfic, they’re Mary Sue fanfic about the founder of her church.
  6. I honestly think the Twilight Rifftrax are one of the pinnacles of modern comedy.  I’ve watched a decent amount of Rifftrax, but there is no other movie that is so ripe for scathing commentary - something about the infuriating lack of plot, dialogue that is 90% pauses, and knowledge that these could have actually been decent if ANYONE else had written them.
  7. For some reason I think it’s a really good idea to tell guys how funny Twilight/Twilight Rifftrax is on first dates.  For some reason straight dudes aren’t into this. 
  8. Actually, once some dude texted me and asked if he could come over so we could watch Twilight Rifftrax, but… no.
  9. My old roommate and I used to laugh like this at each other constantly and we still do it whenever we see each other.
  10. This is the greatest piece of movie criticism I have ever read.
  11. Do not, under any circumstances, watch the second movie.  Not even Rifftrax can save you from sitting and yelling “SOMETHING FUCKING HAPPEN ALREADY”.
@3 hours ago with 2 notes
#this... took a while #obvs the Twilight one was the easiest 

Purple: 10 facts about my room.
Blue: 9 facts about my family.
Green: 8 facts about my body
Yellow: 7 facts about my childhood
Orange: 6 facts about my home town.
Red: 5 facts about my bestfriend(s).
Pink: 4 facts about my parents.
White: 3 facts about my personality.
Grey: 2 facts about my favourite things
Black: 1 fact about the person I like.

(Source: keepitfr3sh, via officiousseeing-eyebitch)

@7 hours ago with 57734 notes
#glitter: 11 facts about Twilight 

(Source: memewhore, via dignified-and-old)

@1 day ago with 170848 notes
#you are a fool for looking 

Anonymous said: Oh please, we all know with her history with whiny vampires like Angel Buffy would just end up sleeping with Edward. While those three would just have fun dismembering him.


An anon message about Twilight

My life is complete

Okay I’ve thought this over and have a lot of Serious Issues with it

  1. Isn’t one of the main points in Twilight that Edward is over 100 years old and is a vampire, the sexiest of supernatural beings, but is still a virgin and has never ever masturbated?  Isn’t Bella supposed to be the most divinely smelling magical Mary Sue in existence?  Would Edward leave Bella for Buffy?  Would he bite through every single one of her pillows, sobbing gently?  Buffy actually has a personality, so my vote is ‘no’.
  2. Would it take three seasoned vampire hunters to kill Edward?  I’m pretty sure literally anyone with the strength to hold a stake could kill Edward.  My grandma could kill Edward, and she can’t lift a gallon of milk.  Can Twilight vampires even be staked?
  3. Could anything, anywhere involving Edward Cullen be described as fun? 

@1 day ago with 2 notes
#important posts #god whatever I'm just gonna go watch Being Human for the twelth time #which has it's own set of vampire issues lbr #but at least PEOPLE HAVE SEX AND GET KILLED #SOMETIMES AT THE SAME TIME #'too old to be running a Twilight blog' 

Anyway my ideal Edward Cullen death scenario is Mustache Dad just punching his head off

Jeez anon don’t forget about Mustache Dad, true hero of Twilight

@1 day ago with 1 note
#that or other vampires gang up on him and kill him in Vampire Court